JH: What makes you say that?

ST: Look at who's coming up! It's the Superstar, Scott Easton! There's nobody in this world like him!

JH: That's because there's nobody in the world who's ego is anywhere near as large as his. When I talk about a swell head, I'm saying...

ST: You're just saying that because you're jealous, Jimmy.

JH: Take a look at the facts...

ST: That this guy is the best thing since sliced bread?

JH: Shut up, Schaef. You're really beginning to annoy me.

ST: You're not my favorite guy either, but you don't hear me complaining...

JH: Please, someone start this thing before I strangle the guy sitting next to me...

JO: In this, the second round of the Profitt Memorial Championship Tournament, Introducing first....

The bassline thump and drumbeat of "Snap Your Fingers, Snap your Neck" by Prong! begin...the distorted guitar kicks in shortly thereafter. The Jumbotron displays a quick slideshow flashing of images between the word "Superstar" in gold on black background with displays of violence, including Scott Easton taking a baseball bat to a PT Cruiser, putting a Superstar Sling on a gigantic Arab, and delivering a Superstardom during NWCal PSW's Stealth Mode Invitational Tournament. The jumbotron changes to a cinema view with the golden "Superstar" overlapping images of Scott Easton posing and celebrating and just then, the Superstar Scott Easton emerges from behind the backstage area and stands at the top of the ramp, his arms stretched out, palms facing upward, nose and chin facing upward, looking from side to side at the audience, expecting a huge ovation for his appearance. Some cheers are heard while many are silent, ignorant to Mr. Easton's past. The Superstar walks down the ramp, stopping for a bit in front of a female fan, to point out to her with hand gestures that he has a well-developed chest and abdomen. She reaches out to him and he steps back and shakes his finger and head at her, laughing. Upon reaching ringside, Easton climbs the steps and faces the jumbotron, now showing an image of him retiring Smiling Jack by breaking his neck with a piledriver on exposed concrete floor. Easton applauds at the outside of the ropes before using the assistance of which to do a "death-defying backflip" into the ring, where he spins, arms stretched out.

JH: Geez, talk about hamming it up. Someone should shoot him and put him out of our misery.

ST: You're just jealous that he's so insanely good looking and popular, and you're not.

JH: If that's what you'd like to think...

Shake the Foundation by AC/DC rumbles through the arena.

JO: Now heading to the ring from Bari, Italy weighing in at THREE HUNDRED and FIFTY pounds.DONOVAN VALENSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Valens appears from between a parted curtain. Lights flash down on him and he appears to be glowing. Donovan is wearing a white siglet with the straps hanging around his waist. White elbowpads, kneepads and shiny white boots complete his ring attire.

JH: He may be the superstar, but he's got three-hundred and fifty pounds of bad attitude coming his way...

ST: No he doesn't. Valens isn't anywhere near the Superstar's level...

JH: Valens is coming down to the ring... and here comes Easton, indie wrestler extrodinare, out of the ring and right for Valens... and Valens takes him down with a right hand!

ST: That was a cheap shot! Disqualify him immediately!

JH: You can't. The bell hasn't rung yet.

ST: It hasn't?

JH: No, they haven't gotten to the ring yet... but that's where Valens is now dragging Easton by the hair, right to the ring, and he rolls him in. Valens now climbing up on the apron, and into the ring... Easton is up to his feet, and they start slugging it out...

ST: It's easy to see that Easton's gonna win this one easy...

JH: Valens blocks, and rings Easton up with another hard right, sending him staggering back... he charges in with a clothesline.... armbar! He grabbed the outstretched arm and dropped into an armbar!

ST: See what I mean?

JH: Valens is squirming too much, and Easton has to let go of the armbar. Both men get to their feet, but Easton takes him right back down with an arm drag! Valens gets up and comes in, but Easton throws him to the mat with a hip toss!

ST: There's nothing, and I mean NOTHING...

JH: That can save Valens now, we know... Valens is up, and Easton goes for another hip toss, but Valens blocks! He's not budging for Easton, using that muscle to block him... and takes him down with a clothesline! Valens falls on him and starts punching away at the soon-to-be ugly face of Easton!

ST: Hey, tell him to stop using closed fists!

JH: You do that.

ST: Um...

JH: Valens pulls Easton to his feet, and body slams him back down to the mat. Valens off the ropes... and nails the elbow drop! He goes for the cover!

1...

2...

Easy kickout!

ST: If that were any easier...

JH: It'd be your last girlfriend? Valens pulls Easton to his feet, but Easton start firing away at Valens's face... Valens responds with a punishing knee to the gut, driving Easton back! Valens charges in... Easton with a drop toe hold, and Valens goes down! Easton gets up, followed by Valens... Easton grabs Valens and there's the irish whip. Valens comes back, Easton with the boot to the chest... Valens grabs the foot, but Easton with the Enziguri... Valens ducks! He ducked the enziguri... Easton spins around, Valens with the pickup for the spinebuster... and Easton reverses into a DDT!

ST: That was an amazing set of reversals by Scott Easton. He truly is the Superstar!

JH: Easton pulls Valens to his feet, and takes him right back down with a snapmare... and now a flipping neckbreaker! Valens rolls around, grabbing his neck... Easton is back up, and he's pulling Valens to his feet... and he whips him into a corner! Valens is stuck there, and here comes Easton charging in!

ST: And we're about to see something truly amazing... something only the Superstar is capable of...

JH: Superstar Splash! He splashes right into Valens, and he flops right out of the corner! And now Easton scrambles for the cover!

1...

2...

Kickout!

ST: Slow count! Slow count!

JH: If you replayed it in slow motion, then you'd be right. Easton pulls Valens up, and brings him over to the ropes... irish whip by Easton. Here comes Valens... but Easton telegraphs the back body drop, and Valens with a kick to the face, knocking Easton back!... Spinebuster! He just charged in and leveled Easton with a spinebuster!

ST: That was a cheap shot!

JH: No it wasn't. Valens now peels Easton off the mat, locks up with him... belly-to-belly suplex! He picked him up and slammed him right back down! Now he's rolling Easton over... and he's locking on the camel clutch! He's using that awesome upper body power to put an immense ammount of pressure on Easton's back and neck!

ST: Easton has a spine like a slinky! He could twist himself into a pretzel with almost no difficulty!

JH: And we're going to see that in just a minute, if Valens has his way... Easton is trying to force his way to his feet, but Valens lets go and delivers a punishing double-ax handle to his back, forcing him right back down!

ST: This is getting really boring, really quickly.

JH: You're only saying that because your guy isn't winning. Valens is now pulling Easton up... Spinning heel kick! A surprise spinning heel kick by Easton floors Valens! Easton stumbles for a moment, then darts for the ropes... ASAI MOONSAUL... MISSES!!! Valens rolled out of the way, and Easton caught nothing but the middle of the mat!

ST: His foot slipped. Simple as that.

JH: Both men are getting up to their feet, Valens up first... he grabs Easton, and pushes him into a corner... and a knife-edge chop! Another chop by Valens!... Easton grabs Valens, and reverses him into the corner! Easton is firing away with rights into Valens' face!

ST: He was just playing possum. A brillinat move by Scott Easton!

JH: Easton grabs Valens, and whips him across to the far corner. Valens hits, and here comes Easton...

ST: It's another Superstar Splash! Here it comes!!!

JH: Easton leaps... Valen ducks out! Easton hits the top turnbuckle! He's stumbling out, right into Valens' grip...ONSLAUGHT!!! ONSLAUGHT!!! He plants Easton right into the mat with the Onslaught!! And he makes the cover!

1...

2...

3!!

ST: No! He can't do that! That's the Superstar! You can't pin the Superstar!

JH: He can, and he just did! That's another point for my pool, Schaef!

ST: That was a cheap win! You can't claim points for that!

JH: Valens won that match fair and square. Laugh at that, commentary boy!

ST: Bastards. This is a conspiracy, a CONSPIRACY I tell you!

Sure it is, a conspiracy from the advertising companies to show us more commercials.